Thursday, February 25, 2010

When God's Answer is Not What You Expect

My heart is heavy this morning and it hurts so much to even type out these words. Yesterday was my birthday and God saw fit on this day to give me the answer to my greatest prayer. His answer - was no. Or maybe it was wait - at this point in my grief process I am not sure what to think.

For those of you who have been reading my blog for awhile, you know that my greatest desire is to become a nurse. I have poured my heart and soul into this effort. I have PLEADED with the Lord over this! Everything seemed to be working out according to MY schedule - but obvious to me now, not in GOD'S timing.
With God's help I have been able to make a 4.0 in all of my prerequisites courses. This is HUGE for me because I was never an "A" student when I was a child. I have done everything required of me to try to get into the nursing program, yet yesterday I received the letter from the college that stated I was not accepted into the program. I am devastated!

When I turned in my application for the nursing program, one of the requirements for entrance was to take a Pre-Nursing Entrance Exam. I had planned to take this test after my fall quarter classes were through so that I would have plenty of time to study for it. It is an intense 3 hour test - definitely NOT one that you want to go into unprepared! The college unexpectedly cancelled the test date that I wanted to get into, and the only test date that I was able to get into was right smack in the middle of my Fall quarter finals week! To take the time to study for THIS test would have taken much needed study time away from my classes that I desperately was trying to get the best grades in. All I could do at the time was to pray that if it was in God's will that I succeed, that He would have to make it happen! I took the test, had EVERYONE praying for God's will to be done, and I got my answer yesterday. ON MY BIRTHDAY of all days!

What does this mean for me now? I really don't know at this point. I have this weekend job hanging in the balance too - I don't know if I should keep it now.
It was the score that I made on the test- that was my downfall. It wasn't the worst grade, but it wasn't high enough to compete with the high grades that others received. This program is highly competitive and I didn't make the grade - THIS TIME - but I am not giving up yet!

I can't retake the pre-entrance exam again until June. Should I retake it in hopes of trying to get into the nursing program that opens in the summer? And what about my weekend job that is hanging in the balalnce? Should I hold onto it in hopes that when I get into the program - it will be a job that I can do while in the program, or should I let it go completely? If I let it go I will not be able to work when I DO get accepted and then I won't be able to help my husband out financially for the year it will take me to complete the program. Everything seemed to be coming together perfectly - for MY plan - but I am guessing now - this was not GOD'S plan for me - just my wishful thinking. I was trying too hard to control the outcome.

Even though this has been a hard couple of days and my head is swirling, I am trying to keep my heart open to what God wants me to learn from all of this - and in what direction He wants me move now.
During my morning time with the Lord, I have felt His loving arms around me. The devotions that I read today have nearly jumped off the page with messages meant JUST for my heart to hear. I thought I would share them with you today. Maybe you are going through a similar period of unrest or loss of direction in your life. I hope this speaks to your heart this morning as it spoke to mine. Speak to us Lord for your children are here - listening.....

"In many of our prayers, we ask God to come around to doing our will - but true prayer is to discover God's will for us. We often approach prayer as trying to wring gifts from an unwilling, reluctant God; in fact, we come before a God who knows our needs better than we do ourselves. Authentic prayer seeks to make God's will our will - and being ready and willing to make the necessary transformations in our everyday life to make our prayers a reality. Prayer worthy of God seeks the grace to do the work God calls us to do (forgiveness, charity, justice) and to become the people God calls us to become. (brothers and sisters under the one Heavenly Father)"
Daily Reflections for Lent - Not by Bread Alone

"The real test of the saint is not preaching the gospel, but washing disciples' feet, that is, doing the things that do not count in the actual estimate of men but count everything in the estimate of God. Paul delighted to spend himself out for God's interests in other people, and he did not care what it cost. We come in with our economical notions - "Suppose God wants me to go there - what about the salary? What about the climate? How shall I be looked after? A man must consider these things." All that is an indication that we are serving God with a reserve. The apostle Paul had no reserve. Paul focuses Jesus Christ's idea of a New Testament saint in his life, viz.: (as follows) not one who proclaims the Gospel merely, but one who becomes broken bread and poured out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for other lives."
My Utmost For His Highest - Oswald Chambers

If you find it in your heart to pray for me, please pray that the Lord will give me direction for HIS will in my life - HIS will be done - not mine!

God's richest blessings to you,


Kathy said...

Kymber, I am sorry about this time for you. I know that you will continue to be before the Lord, to hear, to listen, and to learn ....while He loves on His girl-YOU! I don't know the heart of the Lord on THIS matter, but I do know that He is faithful, unchanging and perfect in all His ways. I pray for a sunrise moment for you in all of this, and trust we will hear about it soon. Much love and prayer.

Loren said...

Oh Kymber! I am sooo very sorry and will definately be in prayer for you my friend. I will pray the Lord guides each step and you trust HIS timing and see and know that you know HIS ways and walk in them! His timing is always perfect and I see your humility already so I know HE will speak and lead you every step of the way! Bless you and Happy Late Birthday!

Andrea said...

I understand your situation much more than you would know. I was in my last semester of Nursing School and became ill. I was steps away from graduation with job offers already in hand. I was devastated. However, now looking back GOD had a better plan and HE continues to use all that knowledge in my own life and the life of so many others. I am not saying HE does not want you to finish school, but what I am saying is that HE has a perfect plan and in HIS time, HE will unfold it. Hang in there and keep moving forward until HE clearly shuts the door or shows you another way.
Hugs, andrea

Andrea said...


Dayle said...

Kymber, you will be in my prayers. The devotionals were great. I love it when they speak directly to our needs on that particular day. I think "Thy will be done," is one of the toughest prayers, but one we all need to pray. His way is always best.

RCUBEs said...

Hi sister Kymber. I am feeling your pain knowing how hard it is to get into the program. The stress level involved. And the amount of work that we need to do in order to pass. I'm glad though that you remain trusting in the Lord's will for you. Of course, I'm keeping you in my prayers always. I am praying for Him to give the answers/directions in your heart right now as I type. Because that's the most important thing, is for us to commit all of our ways into His hands. Then, nothing will go wrong.
When I hurt my neck at the hospital after working 10 yrs., and as He brought me to a correctional facility, I didn't understand why the county father away from me [where I work now] called me first, than the county where I live in. Many months later, looking back, I saw His good provision. This county where I live in didn't pay very much, compared to the one who hired me. Now, in this economic times, they are laying off a lot of people. So, hang in there and all these pain and trials, I know will be for His glory much later on. Love you in Christ sister.

The Muse said...

my heart reaches to you...i hear your pleas and inquiries.

the Lord loves you and has you in His care. do not turn away from a door...perhaps the job is the door...the door from which something greater happens. and the test...if you are able to take it again...why not, unless God says no.

but it doesn't sound like just sounds to me that HIS timeline is not precisely your timeline.

remember that friends will always be lifting you up...higher and higher.
come let us celebrate your birthday!

love and prayer always.

Bella Michelle said...

Oh, Sweetie, I am sorry for your news. Prayers said for you.

Marie said...

sorry to hear the path in nursing hasn't worked for you at this time.i am a lpn. 17 years ago i needed a career that had security and opportunity for overtime. i was a single mom with small children and knew nursing would take me in the right direction. it did. it also changed me, my heart remained with my paitents at all times but, it wasn't really what i thought it would be. mostly administration, rules and regs. and the whole health care mess. now, it seems that health care will suffer a further blow if the current political people get their way. maybe that is way the lord has you waiting. nursing is very politial in my state, new jersey. not sure about other states. you have great grades, and the desire there are other areas of nursing you may serve well in. unit managers, administration, social work for a nursing home/assistant living is lacking, seniors need advocates more now then ever. "nursing" has many avenues and they will all serve the patient with loving care when the person providing the service has the heart of a loving, caring, NURSE!!. prayers and blessings, and the lord will take you in the direction you need to be.

Beginner said...

God may have closed the door to school for the moment, but maybe the window that is opened to you is the job for now. Prayers continue on your behalf.

Anonymous said...

I love you Mommy! No matter what. I will give you a call this weekend to check in. <3

- Jakey

Crown of Beauty said...

Dear Kymber,
I just read this post a few minutes ago! I am so sorry I wasn't able to visit your blog on your birthday, so I missed greeting you. But now that I have read this my heart goes out to you, and I am praying that God will give you a heart that is hopeful for what lies ahead!

Of course you can very well re-take the exams, and you can be better prepared for it. God knows your heart, and He is on your side!

I once heard it said that where there is a vision, there is a provision... literally, provision means, "for the vision."

Praying for you and with you today, dear Kymber!