Monday, January 5, 2009

Motivate Me Monday - Keeping It Real

Thank you Sarah Mae for inviting us to participate!

This post is a rough one -Motivate Me Monday has motivated me to do some inner "housecleaning" - if you want pretty - you probably should look elsewhere right now because this is going to be a "keeping it real" post in all of it's ugliness.

I have some things I need to get off my chest - some changes that need to be made in my life. I have been flying by the seat of my pants now for awhile and something needs to change. I am hesitant to call these changes New Years Resolutions - I am not sure I want to call them that because I am not good at KEEPING "resolutions."

All I know is that I MUST start these changes in my life - I cannot fail in this. Let me explain...

This move to Georgia has affected me in so many different ways. Not all for the better. Sure I have put my best foot forward and tried to be strong, but the fact of the matter is - I have had a tough time of it.
I realize now that before the move, I was pretty idealistic as to how everything would work out. When I lived in Washington I had a very fulfilling life. Obviously I had all of my children around me - but apart from that - I also had a wonderful job and a great start at fulfilling a lifelong dream of becoming a nurse. I was going to school getting my prerequisites done so that I could apply for the nursing program and also worked at a long term care facility caring for the elderly. I absolutely loved my job and the residents that I cared for. All of the staff worked together to serve as a ministry to others and it showed in all that they did in a day. I woke up every morning anxious to go to work and when I looked in the mirror each day - I knew that I was serving God the way He would want me to. It was a wonderful feeling.
I needed to make the move to Georgia - to restore my marriage to what it needed to be. My husband traveled 98% of the time and we were starting to drift apart.

I am not sure why I thought it would be an easy transition to move to a different state and start my life over. I had never had a problem finding a job doing what I do. The need for healthcare workers in Washington is so great. I thought that I would find that here as well. Due to the unemployment rate here, I am finding that not to be the case. A month of searching finally lead me to a job working at a facility that was so horrendous I won't even discuss it here. Unfortunately, I believe now that some of the people working in healthcare are not doing it from their heart, but as a means to an end. My idealistic mindset would not allow for such a different outcome than what I was used to- I got scared of what I had to deal with every day, and I ran from it. Even though I ran from the deplorable conditions of the place I was working in, I am haunted daily by the resident's I loved and left behind.

I am keeping it real today - I know that this is a different kind of a post and I hope that I don't lose any of my readers by laying my heart on the line. I need to say all of this and then we can get back to our "regularly scheduled programming". Unfortunately life can be messy - and I have stepped in it! I can no longer keep pushing it all under the rug because I am seeing the effects it is having on my life in the way of my health.

For some unknown reason, I didn't have the strength to take on all that was wrong with this new facility I was working for. This was so unlike me though. I hate myself now for it - but I fled to my comfort zone - I looked for a job as far away from what I had been doing that I could. I took up being a nanny again. I had done this for years while I was raising my young children so I fled back to my comfort zone - thinking that it would help me to cope with my new life here. BOY was I wrong!! I prayed that God would take me out of that bad work environment and help me find a family to work for. Sometimes I believe God gives us what we THINK we need, in order to show us what it is that really matters to us. I love the wonderful family I am working for, but my heart yearns to return to what I believe is my calling - to work again with the elderly.

All of this stress has taken a toll on my body. I can't sleep at night - this morning I finally got up at 3:00 am because I didn't want my tossing and turning to wake up my husband. I have had two very severe bouts of the flu since Thanksgiving. I am still getting over this last round. I have also dealt with weight gain, cold sores all over my mouth and eye infections. I told you - this isn't pretty! Truly something has to change!

I am using this Motivate me Monday to declare the changes I need to make this year. As you can see I need this to work this time.
  • For too long I have eaten to comfort myself. That will now stop. I will resume my healthy way of eating so that I can drop the unwanted extra pounds that I have allowed to come creeping back.
  • I need to get back to a workable fitness plan - one that will fit into my schedule and one I will stick to. I want to feel physically strong again!
  • I will again search for a new job - praying to the Lord to help me find a place where HE wants me to work - and then come what may - give me the strength to endure WHATEVER comes my way.
  • I will return to starting my day the right way - for too long I have grabbed my cup of coffee and headed to my computer to read up on my favorite blogsites. I have become complacent and my walk with God is not what it should be. I need to put Him in the drivers seat again. Thanks again to Sarah Mae for her 5:16 am club - and keeping me accountable!
  • I need to put on the full armor of Christ so that I can resist the pitfalls that want to take me away from God's calling on my life.
  • I want to continue to work on making my marriage all that God intended it to be - no matter how hard that is at times!
  • I want to continue to make my house into a home that I can be proud of and that my husband can be comfortable in.
  • I need to register for the classes I need to finish up my prereqs. I have to stop procrastinating with this if I want to continue on in my career - I am definitely not getting any younger - and the process is going to take enough time once I get in program - I need to sign up for the Spring quarter classes! No more excuses!
  • And last but not least - I want to finish up some of the projects that I have started. What benefit is it to anyone if things are left unfinished?

All this to say - cleaning up this "house" -( my body and my mind) will eventually lead me to find peace again. I know this to be true.

What about you? Do you have any area of your life that is dirty and needs to be swept clean? Too many times I read blogs where life seems to be wonderful 24/7 and it starts to make a person wonder if they can EVER live up to what they read. I think we are all more alike in this than different. The blogs that I really enjoy reading aren't afraid to keep it real. Life isn't pretty all of the time. It gets ugly and if we can't SHARE the ugliness - how can we grow?

Okay - Off my soap box now!

NOW- back to our regularly scheduled program.

Blessings on your day today!



Susan said...

Great post! Not easy to put yourself out there and keep it real... your post was very moving!

It sounds like you have a good plan!

ann said...

Bless ou Kymber.You are on my mind alot.God is moving thru you.He is there with you dear and he WILL pull you thru.YOU re on the right track now.I am here,as a human sounding board if you wish.Alot of people care about you and wish you our VERY best.You hang is there.You're tough.You WILL make it...Ann

ann said...

Kymber,I have a well deserved award for you.Please come pick it up...Ann

Glenda said...

I for one don't believe God shouts at us very often. For me it is more of a whisper. Sometimes it is an affirmation, that inner feeling you get when you know you've done the right thing. Sometimes it assumes the nature of chastising me for speaking unkindly, without thinking, or too harshly. And then sometimes it is a gentle nudge. God created man to have free will. After you have been provided the tools to make good choices God leaves the rest up to you.

When my MIL was with us, after several months, we were able to have a young woman who was training to be a nurse stay with her for a couple of hours a week (kinda like a nanny), so that I could go buy groceries. That group was in the Middle Georgia area and was called Eldercare.

If you e-mail Susan at her blog e-mail address, she might be able to point you in the right direction for your area. She is familiar with what is available due to her job.

Anonymous said...

You post is a blessing and each step you take, whether small or big, you are one step closer to your "cleaning house"


Sarah Mae said...

Oh Kymber, my heart goes out to you. I love ya for keepin' it real!

You did the right thing, moving to be with your husband - you will be blessed by it.

Might I encourage you to stop working for a while? Perhaps you should take a break...take care of your home and husband and toward your degree?

As far blog lives being "all that," girl you know that is not true because we are all sinners just working out our salvation. My husband and I are going through some tough times right now (which is why I wrote the Marriage is Hard series). I know life is going to get harder once this baby comes along.

Hang in there! We're all in this together!

Kyla said...

God Bless You Kymber! And I appreciate you "keeping it real". Things aren't always a bed of roses, and when I read posts like this, it reminds me to take a minute and say a little prayer for those in need. So know that I'll be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.

Melissa Miller said...

Oh Kymber I am thinking of you and praying for you too. I really think you will be just fine in the long run.
We really are much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
My husband is military and out of the blue we found out we are moving to Maryland. He will get official orders around the end of the month and then it's rush rush time. I hope we sell quickly in this tough market. Sigh.... I can't sleep very well lately myself.
I hear ya. Come visit me anytime you want. I do understand. ~Melissa :)

Anonymous said...

Great to meet you and great post. I have been where you are right now and can say that everything we go through is for a reason. It will come together. We sound alot alike.

Anonymous said...

I came by via ANN- THank you for your heart honest post! I too, have had a recent move- a year ago from a town that I grew up in all my life. I was surprised at how hard all the changes were and yet I know God is stretching and building HIS character more deeply in us through these times. I love and hold on to 1 Peter 1:3-8 - especially 6-7 That word tested in vs 7 is the greek word Dokimazo which means that something good is expected of every dokimazo- to bring forth the good in us or make us good- in contrast to the other greek word for tested which purposes to discover what good or evil is in us.

Jesus is bringing forth the good He sees in you! Hold on- He loves you so and one day we will both look back on the challenges we are facing and say" aha- so that's what He was up to!!

You are precious to him- His crown jewel and He is dancing in delight for His princess daughter!


kymber said...

Hi Glenda,
Don't you just wish God would sometimes knock us upside the head instead of the gentle whisper? I guess that is why we all need to remember to take the time to slow down some and listen to His still small voice in our lives. Like you said - it often isn't audible but if we listen with our hearts - He is there! Life gets so hectic sometimes and we are too stressed to slow down and let God speak to our hearts. I believe that is the devils best trick he uses against us. I don't know where I heard this, but I read somewhere that when the devil can't make us bad, He can make us busy so we don't have the time to stop and listen to what God wants for our lives. So true!

I remember reading a post that Susan put out that made me think that she possibly worked doing basically the same thing I do. I had thought at that time that I wanted to ask her if ahe knew of any jobs that may be available in my area. Do you think she would mind if I sent her an email? I certainly don't want to bother her through email if she doesn't like to get too personal about things like this with someone she doesn't really know.
What do you think?
Have a great day today!

MamaHenClucks said...

Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I'll be praying for you. It's not easy to make huge changes but God is always there to lean on. How wonderful that some of the other posters were able to give such practical and helpful advice! That, is what this community is for. Hugs.

Geri said...

Great post. I moved to California and got married. I left all my support system back in Utah. It has been hard because I haven't worked here, and, so, have made few friends. In some ways the move has been good and in other ways .... well, I miss my sisters. I do know that I am where I'm supposed to be, and that helps.

Glenda said...

Sorry I'm so late checking back today. Susan will help, if she can. She has her e-mail contact link under her profile near the bottom of the right hand column.

laurie @ bargain hunting said...

What a brave and honest post. (I've been known to "tell it like it is" on my blog more than once). It sounds like you are on the right path, and I will say a prayer that God will guide you through this rough spot in your life. Just reading this post, I know that you are a strong person with a strong faith, and I believe that, with these attributes, you can accomplish anything you put your mind and heart into. laurie

Picket said...

Oh girl..what a moving post...God knows your heart my friend & He will do exceedingly abundantly above anything that you could ever ask or imagine...follow your heart my friend...
I heard an old story years ago...a man always went to the altar praying in a loud voice for God to sweep away the cobwebs from his life...after many months of this same pray...a little elderly lady shouted out from the back of the church "Forget the cobwebs God..kill the spider!" I don't know you in real life my friend but I know you in my spirit...I believe you have 'killed the spider' & you will feel a new faith & strength rise up in you like never before...I believe you have held a key to a door you were afraid to enter but have nothing to fear...go thru that door..God will let you find favor in the eyes of will be happy again my friend.
Thanks you so much for coming by and for the sweet comment..please come back anytime...I look forward to reading about all the goodness that is about to come your way.

Scooterblu's Whimsy~Rhonda said...

Great post, Kymber! Blogging, like the real world, isn't always pretty! So don't apologize for keeping it real! "smiles" I was touched by your post and will keep you in my prayers! Thank God, He equips us with all that we need, when He sends us to those places we are not comfortable in! ~Sending big hugs your way, Rhonda :)

Melissa Miller said...

Hi Kymber,
Your kind comment really touched my heart today. Thank you. You're a sweet and giving person.

Have a wonderful evening and even more wonderful week ahead.
Talk to you soon, ~Melissa :)

The Muse said...

Ms Kymber~I believe if you felt led to move..then it was meant to be!...The bond is strong...but it must be nourished...I am glad that you feel that love for your hubby :)
Many blessings to you!

Traci said...

First of all, there's nothing better then being real, with yourself and even others - who knows what lives can be touched by your words!

Setting goals is a great way to make a frest start. Praying for you as you encounter this new chapter of your life!

Thanks for sharing your heart!