Thursday, September 16, 2010

Coming Up for Air

FINALLY able to breathe again!!
One quarter is done - and I made it through!Only three more to go now! I wish I had had more time to blog about my experiences, but I have been desperately trying to keep my head above water this entire quarter.

I usually don't have such a hard time in school, but nursing school is unlike anything I have ever had to do. It is exhilarating, frustrating, and wonderfully exciting all rolled into one! I believe NEXT quarter I should have more time to blog - I had to make a few changes to my schedule to keep my sanity :) One of the changes I had to make was with my work schedule. My constant prayer to the Lord has been - as long as He wanted me to work, I would work - but the MOMENT things started to slip with my grades, I would know that it was time to let it go.

My Dosage Calculations/Pharmacology class isn't all THAT challenging - as long as you stay on top of things, but if you fall below an 80 in the class, you will fail Nursing School. With the twelve hour shifts I had to pull on the weekends, it didn't leave enough time for me to study. I received a really poor grade on one of my tests and it scared me! I realized that if I didn't make a change soon, my grades and dream to become a nurse could slip away from me.

I have gone back to working PRN (as needed) which will work out better for my schedule right now. I will have more control over my schedule and can work as I am able to - not be held to a schedule that may not work with my schoolwork. It was very hard to have to make this decision - there are a lot of people who have been hurt by this (meaning - the residents whom I worked with on the weekend).

I had one sweet gentleman cry when I told him it was my last day! I had been spending lots of extra time with him - which is one of the main reasons why I LOVED my weekend job - I would take him outside and sit with him in the sunshine and just visit. I had no idea how much this meant to him until I told him I had to let my job go. It BROKE MY HEART to have to do this to him! This is a man who had a stroke four years ago. He now spends his days trapped in his wheelchair. He is put in his wheelchair every morning, and spends his days in front of his television - until it is time for him to go to bed. Day in and day out - this is his new existence! Before his stroke - he loved to spend every waking moment outdoors. He loved to garden and enjoyed the birds. Now he is trapped in a hell that he can't wake up from. His body is no longer able to do the things he once was able to do, but his mind is still sharp - which leaves him plenty of time to sit and think about all of the things he will never be able to do again. Things we take for granted - like walking outdoors - going for a drive in a car (it takes two people to help him into a chair - I am trying to figure out a way to take him for a drive - but it will be a challenge) FEEDING himself - he has to rely on others to do this for him too!

I can't imagine the pain and depression he must feel at times - and yet, this beautiful man NEVER complains - he always has a smile to share, and if you ask him if he is in pain - he will tell you that he is in CONSTANT pain, but that he doesn't want to bother the nurses to give him anything for relief! My heart BREAKS for him - God has given me such a love for people like this! THIS is why I do what I do! And yet - I had to disappoint him and make him cry because I had to make the terrible decision to let my job go! I CAN'T let my opportunity to be a nurse slip through my fingers. I have a very small glimpse at times of what God may have in mind for me, and if He really IS leading me in the direction I believe He is, I HAVE to keep going!
I couldn't stand the thought of this gentle and loving man hurting on my account - so I decided to make it a point to continue seeing him at least two days a week. My school is only a mile down the road from my work - so I have been going to my work and visiting my "friends" a few days after my classes. I take my sweet gentleman friend outside to sit again - he is happy, I am happy - it is a win-win situation! Yesterday I took him some homemade biscuits - he had received some pear preserves from another resident but didn't have anything to eat it on - so I asked him what he would like to have and he said "MMMM... some warm homemade biscuits slathered with pear preserves sounds WONDERFUL!" Such a small, simple act on my part - meant the world to him.
If EVERYONE would reach out in this world - to take just a FEW moments out of their busy days - and REALLY SEE the hurting people all around them - who just need a little love and kindness in their lonely lives! To do this for these special people who oftentimes go unnoticed after they get older - the world would truly be a better place! I am definitely not trying to say that I am wonderful - because I AM NOT!! I am just like everyone else - I am SOOOO busy and stressed and tired and some days I REALLY don't want to take on ONE MORE THING! I tell myself after class - "Ohhhhh I REALLY just want to go home and take a hot shower after the stressful day I just had - I don't want to go to the nursing home today"!! Then I STOP and think about my dear, special friend who is waiting for me to come. I think about him sitting in front of his television waiting - because that is all he has in his life now - is to wait and look forward to the little time that I give him each week! THAT is what drives me to keep going back - when I get there and knock on his door and his eyes light up - it makes it ALL worth it! I believe that I get SO much more out of our little visits than he does! He blesses me beyond belief!

I hope that YOU will feel the urging of God to reach out to someone who needs you in this way - a simple smile and a visit goes such a long way for someone who is hurting and starved for human contact!

Okay...I will step off of my soapbox now....

I have the next two blissful weeks off from school so I hope to blog more about my experiences with nursing school during this time, and to have time visiting my special blog friends who I have neglected for these three long months.
Blessings on your day,


RCUBEs said...

It's wonderful to hear from you sister and to know you're doing well! I love the story you shared. God bless you and this man. And you're right. There are so many hurting around us. Only one simple act of love and kindness sometimes means everything to these hurting ones. Specially with what's going on with our economy...

I want to wish you well and pray that His strength is always yours sister. To God be the glory! God bless and protect you.

Beginner said...

God is already working his wonderful magic through you. You are a blessing to everyone you come in contact with, as I'm sure your friend would agree.

You may feel at times as if you are drowning but never fear, you have the ultimate lifeguard by your side. He will watch over you, I have no doubt.

Use your break to rest and reconnect with family, both your immediate and church family.

kymber said...

Hi Beginner!
It is great to hear from you! Long time no talk huh? Hope all is well with you - I have been so busy and have not been able to talk with anyone I hold dear lately. I am so glad for this break that will help me reconnect! Everyone told me I wouldn't have time for anyone during this program, and they were SO right! i have felt so neglectful - but it IS only a year- that is what I keep telling myself - and then life can get back to normal.
Drop me a line and tell me how you have been doing - I would love to talk to you and play catch up