Coming Up for Air

FINALLY able to breathe again!!
One quarter is done - and I made it through!Only three more to go now! I wish I had had more time to blog about my experiences, but I have been desperately trying to keep my head above water this entire quarter.

I usually don't have such a hard time in school, but nursing school is unlike anything I have ever had to do. It is exhilarating, frustrating, and wonderfully exciting all rolled into one! I believe NEXT quarter I should have more time to blog - I had to make a few changes to my schedule to keep my sanity :) One of the changes I had to make was with my work schedule. My constant prayer to the Lord has been - as long as He wanted me to work, I would work - but the MOMENT things started to slip with my grades, I would know that it was time to let it go.

My Dosage Calculations/Pharmacology class isn't all THAT challenging - as long as you stay on top of things, but if you fall below an 80 in the class, you will fail Nursing School. With the twelve hour shifts I had to pull on the weekends, it didn't leave enough time for me to study. I received a really poor grade on one of my tests and it scared me! I realized that if I didn't make a change soon, my grades and dream to become a nurse could slip away from me.

I have gone back to working PRN (as needed) which will work out better for my schedule right now. I will have more control over my schedule and can work as I am able to - not be held to a schedule that may not work with my schoolwork. It was very hard to have to make this decision - there are a lot of people who have been hurt by this (meaning - the residents whom I worked with on the weekend).

I had one sweet gentleman cry when I told him it was my last day! I had been spending lots of extra time with him - which is one of the main reasons why I LOVED my weekend job - I would take him outside and sit with him in the sunshine and just visit. I had no idea how much this meant to him until I told him I had to let my job go. It BROKE MY HEART to have to do this to him! This is a man who had a stroke four years ago. He now spends his days trapped in his wheelchair. He is put in his wheelchair every morning, and spends his days in front of his television - until it is time for him to go to bed. Day in and day out - this is his new existence! Before his stroke - he loved to spend every waking moment outdoors. He loved to garden and enjoyed the birds. Now he is trapped in a hell that he can't wake up from. His body is no longer able to do the things he once was able to do, but his mind is still sharp - which leaves him plenty of time to sit and think about all of the things he will never be able to do again. Things we take for granted - like walking outdoors - going for a drive in a car (it takes two people to help him into a chair - I am trying to figure out a way to take him for a drive - but it will be a challenge) FEEDING himself - he has to rely on others to do this for him too!

I can't imagine the pain and depression he must feel at times - and yet, this beautiful man NEVER complains - he always has a smile to share, and if you ask him if he is in pain - he will tell you that he is in CONSTANT pain, but that he doesn't want to bother the nurses to give him anything for relief! My heart BREAKS for him - God has given me such a love for people like this! THIS is why I do what I do! And yet - I had to disappoint him and make him cry because I had to make the terrible decision to let my job go! I CAN'T let my opportunity to be a nurse slip through my fingers. I have a very small glimpse at times of what God may have in mind for me, and if He really IS leading me in the direction I believe He is, I HAVE to keep going!
BUT....
I couldn't stand the thought of this gentle and loving man hurting on my account - so I decided to make it a point to continue seeing him at least two days a week. My school is only a mile down the road from my work - so I have been going to my work and visiting my "friends" a few days after my classes. I take my sweet gentleman friend outside to sit again - he is happy, I am happy - it is a win-win situation! Yesterday I took him some homemade biscuits - he had received some pear preserves from another resident but didn't have anything to eat it on - so I asked him what he would like to have and he said "MMMM... some warm homemade biscuits slathered with pear preserves sounds WONDERFUL!" Such a small, simple act on my part - meant the world to him.
If EVERYONE would reach out in this world - to take just a FEW moments out of their busy days - and REALLY SEE the hurting people all around them - who just need a little love and kindness in their lonely lives! To do this for these special people who oftentimes go unnoticed after they get older - the world would truly be a better place! I am definitely not trying to say that I am wonderful - because I AM NOT!! I am just like everyone else - I am SOOOO busy and stressed and tired and some days I REALLY don't want to take on ONE MORE THING! I tell myself after class - "Ohhhhh I REALLY just want to go home and take a hot shower after the stressful day I just had - I don't want to go to the nursing home today"!! Then I STOP and think about my dear, special friend who is waiting for me to come. I think about him sitting in front of his television waiting - because that is all he has in his life now - is to wait and look forward to the little time that I give him each week! THAT is what drives me to keep going back - when I get there and knock on his door and his eyes light up - it makes it ALL worth it! I believe that I get SO much more out of our little visits than he does! He blesses me beyond belief!

I hope that YOU will feel the urging of God to reach out to someone who needs you in this way - a simple smile and a visit goes such a long way for someone who is hurting and starved for human contact!

Okay...I will step off of my soapbox now....

I have the next two blissful weeks off from school so I hope to blog more about my experiences with nursing school during this time, and to have time visiting my special blog friends who I have neglected for these three long months.
Blessings on your day,
Kymber